365/24/7
Years of his messages
pouring in.
365/24/7
…
The consistency
was comforting.
And then.
…
Nothing.
…
I thought it was me.
Something I
should be doing.
…
Did I contort
in the wrong
shape again?
…
Did I displease
your sensibilities?
Should I dare approach?
…
But a tap
on the shoulder,
only makes him bolder.
And the sharing
of an emotion
was declared a sin:
Shameful and forbidden.
…
So I sit in it.
Wouldn’t want to
be a burden.
…
Days or weeks
flowing
and still I don’t hear.
I’m left unknowing.
…
Just a few
group emails
I’m tagged in.
Just for my information.
…
Well.
…
This sickness
got us reeling.
Maybe he’s feeling
things that make a
person push
…
Away.
…
But then here he comes,
after all of this
silence and fading,
on the attack!
…
The Charge?
…
I’m not grateful
enough
for the crumbs thrown at my back.
…
I see.
…
You don’t want the push back.
Accept what we’re given and
Never act.
Seen and not heard.
Don’t question
don’t care and
don’t dare
affirm reality with a comeback.
…
But because you’ve
missed a bit lately,
I’ll fill you in.
I’ve done some processing
from deep within.
And I have come to my
own conclusions.
…
You are scared
of yourself.
You don’t know
yourself.
You can’t hold yourself.
My fault for hoping
you could ever
hold me.
…
I will not
deny my flesh.
I will not deny
my existence.
…
My emotions
are wild and true and free.
They flow in and out
of me.
I could have taught you things.
But you always focused
on schooling me.
…
Grateful, yes.
I am grateful.
And accommodating.
And I was always waiting.
…
But I never was enough
of anything,
and too much
of everything,
for him.
…
So I’ll take
my apparent lack
and simultaneous
surplus flesh,
along with this
emotional mess,
somewhere it’s
not considered a sin
to exist.
…
Somewhere these truths
and sensitivities are
appreciated
365/24/7
